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Where Are the Customers' Yachts? or A Good Hard Look at Wall Street. Edition No. 1. A Marketplace Book

  • ID: 2215163
  • Book
  • May 1995
  • 256 Pages
  • John Wiley and Sons Ltd
"Once I picked it up I did not put it down until I finished . . .What Schwed has done is capture fully-in deceptively cleanlanguage-the lunacy at the heart of the investment business."-Fromthe Foreword by Michael Lewis, Bestselling author of Liar'sPoker

This hilarious portrait of everyday Wall Street and its denizensrings as true today as it did when it was first published in 1940.Writing with a rare mixture of wry cynicism and bonhomiereminiscent of Mark Twain and H. L. Mencken, Fred Schwed, Jr.,skewers everyone including himself in his brilliant send-ups ofbankers, brokers, traders, investors, analysts, and haplesscustomers.

"How great to have a reissue of a hilarious classic that proves themore things change the more they stay the same. Only the names havebeen changed to protect the innocent." -Michael BloombergPresident, Bloomberg, LP

". . . one of the funniest books ever written about WallStreet."-Jane Bryant Quinn, The Washington Post

"It's amazing how well Schwed's book is holding up after 55 years.About the only thing that's changed on Wall Street is thatcomputers have replaced pencils and graph paper. Otherwise, thebasics are the same. The investor's need to believe somebody ismatched by the financial advisor's need to make a nice living. Ifone of them has to be disappointed, it's bound to be theformer."-John Rothchild, Author, A Fool and His Money FinancialColumnist, Time magazine

"A delightful classic and reminder of excesses past and how littlethings change." -Bob Farrell, Senior Vice President, Merrill Lynch
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Introduction xiii
Jason Zweig

Foreword to the 1995 Edition xxi
Michael Lewis

Introduction to the 1955 Bull Market Edition xxv

1 Introduction – “The Modest Cough of Minor Poet” 3

The Validity of Financial Predictions

The Passion for Prophecy

When the Bull jumped over the Moon

II Financiers and Seers 23

Big Banking – Nice work if you can get it

Some Assistant Tycoons

The Fruit on the Blossom of Thought

Wall Street Semantics


The Pay

The Difficulties of “Earning” Money

An Art Without a Muse

A Little Aptitude Test

III Customers – That Hardy Breed 49

Varieties of Customers

How to Get Customers

Margin What to Do When the Dam Bursts

Some Case Histories and a Diagnosis

Churning Money as a Career

IV Investment Trusts – Promises and Performance 67

Stop Making Your Own Mistakes

Where is the Catch?

The Hell-Paving Construction Company

The Trouble with the “Best” Securities

The $750,000 Bird

By Way of Apology

The Magical Investment Corporation

V The Short Seller – He of the Black Heart 87

For the Defense

A Different Defense

With and Without Bears

Bear Raiding

VI Puts, Call, Straddles, and Gabble 105

What Options are (More or Less)

In Defense of the Pure Gamble

The Catch

VII The “Good” Old Days and the “Great” Captains 117

The I.Q. of a Big Shot

Speculation on Speculation

A Brief Excursion into Probabilities

Down will Come Baby



A Bowl of Nickels

VIII Investment – Many Questions and a Few Answers 135

Headaches of the Wealthy

A Little Wonderful Advice

Price and Value – Our Special Market Letter

Cash as a Long-Term Investment

Your Way of Life and the Basis Book

IX Reform – Some Yeas and Nays 153

Was it Stolen or Did you Lose It?

Nobody Loves a Specialist

Horizons and Limits of Regulation


About the Author 171

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Fred Schwed, Jr.
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