"Dr. Dellasega enlightens us about the sources of women′s aggression toward each other, and she provides us with extremely valuable tools for how to overcome our various roles in the hierarchy and learn more constructive and compassionate means to relate to other women."
Debra Mandel, Ph.D., psychologist and author of Healing the Sensitive Heart
"Dellasega offers strategies for us to protect ourselves from the sting of adult Queen Bees and their minions. . . . Practice the advice in this helpful book and all women win."
Marla Paul, author of The Friendship Crisis
"There is no longer an excuse for tolerating the sting of Queen Bees and their enablers. . . . This is an insightful, practical guide to recognizing and responding to the Queen Bee syndrome."
Diana J. Mason, R.N., Ph.D., Editor in Chief of the American Journal of Nursing
At one time or another, almost every woman has been involved in bullying. Whether her role was that of victim, aggressor, or bystander, the pain of relational aggression (female bullying) lasts long after the incident has passed. For those who get stuck in the mean girl role, the emotional warfare of high school can continue into adulthood.
In Mean Girls Grown Up, Cheryl Dellasega introduces you to the "bees" of grade school who, as adults, are still involved in the same hurtful dynamic: the Queen Bee, a bully who buzzes from place to place undermining and manipulating others; the Middle Bee, a go between who spreads gossip or stands by as others do so; and the Afraid to Bee, who retreats into passivity and is a target for aggression. Drawing upon extensive research and interviews, Dellasega outlines how women can change their behavior successfully by shifting away from aggression and embracing a spirit of cooperation in interactions with others. Even if these behaviors have plagued you since adolescence, this book will help you let go of aggression or passivity, move on, and create relationships that are healthier and happier for you and the women around you.
Part One: Relational Aggression 201: The Who,What, and Why of RA.
1. All Grown Up and Ready to Sting: Adult Female Aggression.
2. Why Women Aren t More Like Men.
3. Big Bullies and Other Aggressive Types: The Queen Bee.
4. From Mild to Bad and In Between: The Middle Bee.
5. Blindsided, Backstabbed, and Bruised: The Afraid–to–Bee.
6. Weapons of Choice.
Part Two: Our Own Worst Enemies: Aggression at Work, at Home, and at Play.
7. Women at Work.
8. Sharing Space: Ages and Stages of Aggression.
9. Forced to Be Family: The Good, the Bad, and the Very Ugly of Female In–Laws.
10. Mrs. Popularity and the Mom Clique.
11. Relational Aggression Where You Least Expect It.
Part Three: Recognize, Revise, and Internalize: Changing the RA Way of Life.
12. Who Are You in the Bee Dynamic?: A Relational Aggression Assessment.
13. Healing Residual Relation Aggression: Overcoming the Past.
14. The Power of Forgiveness.
15. The Won t Bee.
16. A New Relational You.
17. Don t Stop with Yourself.
APPENDIX A: Communication That Counts: Connecting through Words.
APPENDIX B: Talking to Yourself in Ways That Help.
APPENDIX C: Netiquette Tips.
APPENDIX D: Mentoring Resources.
Cheryl Dellasega, Ph.D., is a professor in the College of Medicine and the Department of Humanities at Pennsylvania State University. She is the author of Forced to Be Family, Surviving Ophelia, Girl Wars, and The Starving Family.