QR Codes Kill Kittens. How to Alienate Customers, Dishearten Employees, and Drive Your Business into the Ground

  • ID: 2674170
  • Book
  • 208 Pages
  • John Wiley and Sons Ltd
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Testimonials that no one has said. Ever.

"I′m pumped that this brand forces me to use a technology I don′t understand!"

"Scanning that QR code led me to a non–mobile site. Hot–diggity! Let the zoom and scroll begin!"

"That QR code on the company car makes me think that brand is forward–thinking and hip!"

"That QR code on your site, that takes me back to your site, enriched my web experience and made my AOL membership fee worth it!"

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Introduction 1

Chapter 1 They Don t Work 5

They Missed a Step 6

Craptcha 8

Not Working 9

Anybody Got a Pen? 11

Invasion of Sanity and Sanitation 12

I Don t Feel Special 14

The Door to Digital Success 16

Twipster 17

O Canada 18

Working Hard 19

Mistaken Mobile Metrics 20

Caution! Moving Walkway Ends before You Scan the QR Code! 21

The Unknown Icon 22

Where QR Codes Belong 24

E.T., Don t Phone Home 25

Going Viral Isn t a Science 26

Pinterest Fail 27

Phone Call on LAN 2 28

The Autofollow 29

Seems Legit 30

Poor Wendy(s) 31

Tunnel of QR Love 33

Spaced Out 34

A BlackBerry by Any Other Name 36

Desktop Friendly 37

What the Truck? 38

Swipe Away 39

Poor Baby 40

Capital Offense 42

Appealing QR Codes 44

I Don t Even . . . 46

Useless Disclaimer 47

Wait, What? 48

One Potato, Two Potato, Three Potato, Scan! 49

Chapter 2 Nobody Likes Them 51

Making It Rain 56

Well, That s One Way to Reply 57

Putting Your Foot Down on Fonts 58

Oh, I Know 59

BCC Is the New ABC 60

Social SEO 61

The Secret to Making You re

Book or Blog Go Viral 62

Lead to Nowhere 63

Never, Ever 64

Pin the Tail on the Jackasses 65

Please Prove Your Business Is a Moron 66

Not So Special 67

Frequently Futile 68

Friendly Fire 69

We Can Change 70

Views Expressed 71

e–Moms 72

The Fashionable Riot 73

Golden Product Placement 74

Customer Disservice 75

Get Off at the Next Stop 77

Don t Phone in Manners 78

Can t UnLink 79

Face Palm 80

Go Home Phone; You re Drunk 81

Self–Hatred 82

Social Slam 84

Seems Legit 85

The End of Twitter 86

All Your Privacy Belongs to Us 87

Too Much Transparency 88

A Social Layer 89

Long Presentation Slide 90

Exiting Your Brand 92

Fighting Foodies 94

At Least They Cleaned the

Important Part 95

Vote for the Most Annoying Person 96

Looks Like Magazines Do Still

Have ROI 97

Drive–by Articles 99

Chapter 3 They re Selfish 101

It s a Bird! It s a Plane! 102

Nobody Cares about Your Logo 104

Checking Out 105

Tell Me What to Say 106

Not the Time 107

Camera Shy 108

It Can Hurt to Ask 109

Simply Selfish 110

Children Are Our Future 111

It s Still Burning 112

If Pinocchio Had Teeth 113

Are We Dating? 114

Gimme Some More 115

Fashion for Who? 116

Sub QR 117

e–Service Extraordinaire 118

Maybe Their Phone Camera Is Detachable 119

A Million Reasons to Cry 120

The Big #Truth 122

Perspective Is Everything 123

I m Not Saying T–Mobile Is Terrible at Twitter, But . . . 124

Nothing Says Social Like SHOUTING 125

I m Pretty Sure This Is . . . 126

Gap in Judgment 127

The Most Misleading Man in the World 128

Opt Out/In 129

Number One 130

Twitter Is Not a Megaphone 131

Can You Hear Me Now? 133

It s a Trap 134

You Are the Weakest Link 135

Don t Trend 136

You Get What You Pay For 137

Score! 138

The Direct Mail Merge Tweet 139

The iQRony 140

Automated Authenticity 141

The QR Matrix 142

Antisocial Behavior Is the New Social Media 143

Drawing a Blank 144

Wait until You See It . . . 145

Chapter 4 Your Time Is Better Spent Elsewhere 147

Always Pay Your Web Designer 151

Who Are They Talking To? 152

Consider Location 153

Value Good Employees 154

Just Say No to Scheduling 155

Invest in Communication Training 156

Don t Be an Asshole 157

Remember to Switch to Your

Personal Account 158

A Message to Fast Food Workers 159

Remember, Not Everything Is a Marketing Opportunity 160

Remember, People Are Listening 161

At Least Her First Name Isn t Richard 162

Don t Get Caught Flying the Bird 163

Remember, Youth Is Wasted on the Young 165

Don t Drive Your Customers to the Brink 166

All–Caps Ketchup 168

You Could Stand to Lose a Few Teeth 169

Remember, Sometimes Private Messages, Go Public 170

Don t Hire Idiot Employees 171

The Peak of Creative Stupidity 172

I Can t Breathe, I m Laughing So Hard 174

Stop Scheduling Tweets 175

Opinions Are Your Brand s Reflection 176

Less Than Joyful 177

I m in the Middle of an Awkward Sandwich 178

Not So Friendly 179

We Want Whatever Your Name Is Back! 180

Take Away the Virtual Keys after Firing Someone 181

Don t Fake an Ovation 183

The English Swear the Best 184

Wheel of Misfortune 185

Remember Your Manners 186

Psychic Opt Out 187

Pay Attention to Privacy 189

Hire Better Employees 190

Never Forget 191

Don t Invite Open–Ended Insults 192

Conclusion 193

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SCOTT STRATTEN is the President of UnMarketing. He has written many fancy best–selling business books, but that shouldn′t influence this purchase. Go ahead, flip through it. It′s a freaking picture book, you either like it or you don′t. Scott was named one of the top five social media influencers in the world on Forbes.com.

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